When It's Time for Your Children to Move On

Every parent wants to do a good job raising their children. There is often either a strong desire not to repeat mistakes they feel their own parents made with them or a determination to replicate the idyllic childhood that they had, committed to giving their children the very best start in life.

Periodically situations occur which highlight that it's time for your children to move on. These times may well be more traumatic for you as the parent than for your children; they underline how quickly time is passing, that your children are getting older and equally so are you.

Let's look at some of the key occasions when there's a need to acknowledge that it's time for your children to move on:

- Going to school for the first time, leaving mother behind, can be unnerving for some children; fear, homesickness, apprehension can all be factors. Some mothers may stay a while, help in the classroom for a day or two until their child settles.

Then there are other children who start their first day without even a backward glance. Mother may well be the one who is seen smothering her tears into her handkerchief. Many young children attend nursery or pre-school before primary school, learn the art of mixing, sharing with other children and become used to being away from home.

But there are times when each child has to confront a new experience, the next stage in growing up. Learning to swim, to ride a bike, make new friends, have a sleepover, travel to school, maybe deal with rejection; these are all important lessons that have to be learned at some stage. As a parent your role is to support, encourage and ensure these experiences happen in a safe, positive way.

- Children reach a certain age and it's time for them to move on from junior school to senior school. They may have had the opportunity to look around their new school in advance, perhaps with siblings or on an introductory visit. Some children may move schools with children they are already familiar with.

Being required to change schools or move to a new area can sometimes be problematic. Friendship groups have often been formed and a new child can feel like an outsider. Encourage a child in this situation to take their time building relationships and not appear desperate or too eager. Often there are several ways for them to make new friends.

Maybe suggest inviting one or two children to join in with an interesting hobby or activity. Are there other children nearby who could become friends, children from the neighourhood, children of friends or family? Is there an after school group they could join that would help improve their confidence and contacts; sports, drama, dance, scouts?

Ensure that home is a supportive environment where they can discuss their day and feel supported. Listen to their concerns; if they are talking about something then it clearly matters to them. Pay attention to any changes in their behaviour or mood and investigate sensitively if this occurs.

- University is often the first time when children spend an extended period away from home. Some may have taken a year out to travel or work but that is often seen as a break or a holiday. Living away at university is often seen as serious, purposeful, adult. It may seem at first to be an adventure, exciting and full of long-awaited freedom, but living away from home can bring some scary, important responsibilities.

Balancing their finances, dealing with decisions concerning drugs, sex, relationships, time allocation often have to be faced on their own even before course work and important deadlines have been addressed. Some young students choose to live in Halls of Residence for the first year. There they have support with other students, meals, and facilities often located nearby. Others start their university experience by living off site in rented accommodation, often sharing with other students.

Stress, pressure, relationships, workload can affect young people and cause problems at any age. Hypnotherapy can help in dealing with these matters, help them cope better with worrying situations; bullying, pressure, eating issues, self-esteem, becoming more assertive and coping better. An early intervention can often improve a difficult situation very quickly.